Today is the 18th day of 2018.
For the first time in 3 weeks, I could say I had a short break.
I showered a little bit longer. I let the children got messy and played a little bit longer. I shaved my beard and the children all in bed by 10pm, plus I had nothing urgent to do.
I was quite sleepy from lack of sleep. And this morning spent some times to talk with God about all the things that bother me. So in the afternoon I went down to swim as I brought the costume already.
We had a dinner at a Japanese restaurant. And my elder girl ordered chawan mushi as part of the set meal. After we ordered everything, seeing the older sister ate the chawan mushi, the younger sister cried. She wanted to eat that also. Now, the serving is very small. Both of these girls, could eat a big portion of steam egg by themselves.
Somehow, the question and the journey of finding left a mark in me. And so I decided to write this down. Who knows it may bless someone on the way…
So apparently, I have an issue with “contentment”. I guess the first time it occurred to me when my boss told me (when i bumped the idea of becoming a trainer instead of an IT support), that I should learn contentment.
The children had already long gone to bed, and my wife was on bed too. I was the only one still awake to do what I was supposed to do; sending out resumes. And just when I thought I found a good contact, then my laptop behaved weirdly. So I had to cool it down.
Yesterday, there’re so many things happened. And I just want to keep and store them. All the blessings and thanksgivings. Looking from God’s perspective:
Tonight, I thank God once again for bringing into life good character in my girl’s life. I recognized that it’s purely the work of God in her life.
Had a tea-break conversation with one my colleagues on children and schooling. I was saddened by her remark that she had to scare the child to study. I’m more saddened also to know that it is out of her love, she resorted to do that. For fear that the child given without fear of future, will not be able to make it in future.
What I thought is the best hope is that this colleague surrendered it to God. And I think that’s the best thing a parent could do. When we go to God on our knees, acknowledging that we can’t change our children, and their lives is entirely in God’s grace. So I prayed that God would turn this for good.
The question puzzles me, “why did God punish Eve and all women with so much pain in child-bearing? And why did God punish Adam and all men with much pain in working to earn a living?” Both are the life-line of mankind existence, and the closest which we instinctively will draw meaning and identity in life. Out of all the punishments God could have inflicted for the disobedience, why did He chose this one?
This morning as I was meditating on my children and the glory of God, I thought I understand my youngest girl behavior better.
Yesterday she behaved very badly. She threw tantrum, demanding her ways, and the scariest is being unpredictable. In one moment, she was a very sweet girl, and the next instant, she could scream and yell, insisting her will.
I remembered what I read about the description of Trump. He was described as impulsive and unpredictable. For a moment, I thought my girl more like daughter of Trump than daughter of mine.
Until I realized that it’s actually a universal heredity. I do also being unpredictable and insisting on my will at times. It is more natural to be unpredictable than predictable, because we want to get what we want. And what we want is always changing. We don’t wake up each day and say I want to do God’s will. We pray that our will be done.
So, this little girl is showing nature of sin which we all share. She wants her things, and it is and it will always be changing. May God have mercy on her and me.
