Impulsive and Unpredictable

Posted on April 18, 2017 by clay

This morning as I was meditating on my children and the glory of God, I thought I understand my youngest girl behavior better.

Yesterday she behaved very badly. She threw tantrum, demanding her ways, and the scariest is being unpredictable. In one moment, she was a very sweet girl, and the next instant, she could scream and yell, insisting her will.

I remembered what I read about the description of Trump. He was described as impulsive and unpredictable. For a moment, I thought my girl more like daughter of Trump than daughter of mine.

Until I realized that it’s actually a universal heredity. I do also being unpredictable and insisting on my will at times. It is more natural to be unpredictable than predictable, because we want to get what we want. And what we want is always changing. We don’t wake up each day and say I want to do God’s will. We pray that our will be done.

So, this little girl is showing nature of sin which we all share. She wants her things, and it is and it will always be changing. May God have mercy on her and me.

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Persistency and Faith

Posted on March 2, 2017 by clay

When she was still a baby, we saw this persistent character in her. She would not be distracted nor satisfied with anything less than what she has set her eyes on. She would persist till she got what she wants.

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Thanking the kind souls

Posted on February 26, 2017 by clay

Tonight, as I was laying down on bed, remembering the day that just passed, I wanted to say thank you for these few people who have shown kindness to me and my family in distress

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Look Intently with Light

Posted on February 15, 2017 by clay

Tonight I cleaned up the dining table, then finished up the last bowl of rice. What caught my attention was how different the dining table look like, when it’s in the dark, then under the light, and finally when I sat down and ate my supper.

In the dark, I couldn’t see anything very much. I saw a dining table, cleared from stuff. With the light, I could see few black beans left from dinner, so I cleaned them up. But when I sat down and ate, I saw the many little ants that running across the table.

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Remembering my girl’s sweet deeds

Posted on February 15, 2017 by clay

Today is a valentine’s day, and my wife felt sick. To our surprise and delight, our older girl decided to pray for mama.

After dinner, she rose up, and told me that she would want to pray for mama. She was supposed to watch her song movie (which she wanted to watch yesterday), but she went into the room and prayed first. Then she came out and watched. What a beautiful and sweet gesture of her. May the Lord keep her heart right & straight like this. One of her character is this charming sweetness. From young she’s the sweet little girl that will comfort you when you’re sad and down.

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Counting the Ang Paows

Posted on February 6, 2017 by clay

Yesterday, we gathered the children to count their ang paows. Our elder girl was so happy. And we got to teach her some simple mathematics too.

What amazed me was their happiness and contentment. Our younger girl opened the first ang paows and found $2. It occupied her for long long time, and she forgot about the rest of the paper & money.

Our older girl got a lot of ang paows this year. She got from $2, $10, and $50. At last she opened the angpaow from us. It contained $4, much less than the $10 and $50. Yet she was so delighted with that $4 as if it valued the biggest.

I thought to myself that it’s not because she didn’t understand money. She knows already what is $2, $4, $10, $20, and $50. The reason she’s so happy with the $4 has more to do with the giver than the gift itself. A childlike attitude which I believe pleases God.

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All men are liars

Posted on January 28, 2017 by clay

Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. ~Col 3:23

Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar. As it is written: “So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge.” ~Rom 3:4

I guess, we all are pretty good at this.

Today is a New Year Eve, when Chinese celebrates with a Reunion Dinner. It is a festive season and a lot of delicious food around. We all are supposed to be happy and jolly, isn’t it?

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On Calling (2)

Posted on December 23, 2016 by clay

This afternoon, as I read and reply a friend’s email, suddenly i got a glimpse of what a Calling means.

This friend of mine wrote a very encouraging email about our faithfulness in serving the Lord in a specific ministry. And looking back for the reason of me staying for so long, I told him it’s simply this “burden” that the Lord has put in my heart. And I simply can not do another way. It’s not that I never give up, or a faithful person…I got discouraged, sad, and thought of giving up many times…

But it is just that everytime I was about to throw the towel, this burden simply stayed there. And for one reason or another, God himself had always “surprised” me at that moments, such that I would end up continuing instead of quitting.

So it’s very obvious to me, it’s simply not my passion, or my strength, or my vision, or anything within me that keep me. But it’s the Lord who has kept me for His purpose. So on the subject of “calling”, it’s actually bigger than ourselves. Only by God’s sustaining grace if we ever fulfill His calling.

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God knows

Posted on December 13, 2016 by clay

It’s again the same old bad habit…comparing myself with another person. What do I compare? Achievement…in terms of possession (assets, career, future, etc). And it seems that i just “wasted” my years and life for “nothing”.

Till, when i was cleaning up my emails, i happened to read on one email from an ex-colleague. I couldn’t believe what i read there. This person praised me for how i treated my wife…For sticking up to my marriage vow.

I didn’t remember I’ve read that email before. Nor i remember telling this person about my marriage. Nor did this person ever came to my wedding and heard my marriage vow.

Anyway, God has a way to comfort and encourage me. After all, he knows best and I should listen to Him than to the world, and my own interpretation.

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Though the fig tree does not bud

Posted on December 6, 2016 by clay

Tonight, for some strange reason, my spirit is rejoicing within. I can’t explain it. There are many things went wrong, or didn’t go according to my will and plan this year.

  • This year, our family finance went to negative by thousands after we enjoyed few good years in the past
  • I just agreed to close down my business because it’s not profiting
  • Our banks just reduced their interest rate by 30%
  • I didn’t get the awaited pay increment
  • I’m releasing a leadership position in a Christian circle
  • Our girls are getting bigger & naughtier…instead of better
  • My body getting weaker too compared to my younger days…

Yet, like Habakuk says, my heart rejoices in God, my salvation.

For this world and everything in it will pass away. Human relationships will pass away too. Our friends and children too will grow and leave us. Everything just temporal. Only God is our eternal security. When I’m nothing & nobody, yet I’m glad even rejoicing inside. To know how great God’s love is. I’m just a sinner saved by His great grace. That’s so sweet & wonderful.

I can’t really remember when I pray that Habakuk’s prayer. But I’ve longed to taste and see when it becomes a reality. And to know it by heart, how sweet indeed. God is true and His word is true, He never shortchange us.

You have put more joy in my heart
    than they have when their grain and wine abound. ~Ps 4:7

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