It has been a tiring journey lately. Only a few people whom I’ve shared briefly, in the need to find strength. Yesterday after we came back from the GP, decided to proceed with another CT Scan before going home, and told our friend to inform our girls via Zoom that we would late home, my hearts were broken inside & I just simply tired for doing anything.
My eldest girl asked me if tomorrow we would leave them again (we’ve left them behind for 3 days in a row!) Honestly I don’t know. I wish I don’t have to. I tried to read more about CT scan & lymphatic system, and I feel so overwhelmed by the complexity of what could go wrong and yet so hard to know exactly what happened, even more mysterious of what cause it.
I felt bad to come to friends asking for help one way or another. I would like to come with good news, with something to celebrate, and to rejoice about. I felt so weak and perhaps so uncharacteristic of a spiritual person.
So last night before sleeping, I repeated the same prayer that if it’s caused by the Enemy, may the Lord deliver us. And if there’s something good out of this which He wants me to learn, may He helped us. Lastly, I ask for His strengthening.
This morning, I felt compelled to just listen to word for the day. I prayed whatever passage come, it would be for the day. And I opened Isaiah 41. Here what it says:
But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
the offspring of Abraham, my friend;
you whom I took from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, “You are my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off”;
fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Behold, all who are incensed against you
shall be put to shame and confounded;
those who strive against you
shall be as nothing and shall perish.
You shall seek those who contend with you,
but you shall not find them;
those who war against you
shall be as nothing at all.
For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.”
Those words, early in the morning came just like that into my heart & soul. And I worship Him who answers me. Though I wished He was here and we don’t have to see Lazarus 4 days in the tomb. Yet for God’s glory, nothing is impossible for Him. That is God.