Rumbling thoughts (milestone year, uncertainties, and questions)

There has been many things going on in my life & thoughts at the moment. That I thought to write them down will help me to cool down :)

One on hand, I feel like being bombarded with so many news and updates. Everything and everyone are screaming for attentions. And classic man, I could only do one thing at a time.

On the other hand, I also feel helpless. There are many things have no answer, or beyond our abilities, even our times. Is it useful then to ask and venture into those questions? Are we a creature that don’t realise our limitations?

Yet on the other hand, at this age, I feel I have learnt a lot and I know more than before. I have answers to many things and solutions to those questions I couldn’t solve before. There’re so much I can and want to share.

Back to the first question, what does God want? What has all these to do with God? The first commandment, “To Love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind.” To which I find an impossible task. I don’t always love God because I don’t always love others. In my flesh, I wish I could always love my wife, but sometimes I don’t. I wish I could have love my children better, but there are times I just lost my mind.

This year is a milestone year for me, before I turned 40. The theme for me and I’m still learning a lot what does it mean to love mercy, to do justice, and to walk humbly before God. Everyday is a new insight into these 3 in 1. And the more I learn, the more I have to share, the more I see also our fallenness and brokenness from God’s standard of truth, justice, and righteousness. Again the 3-in-1 which so much in applications.

So yah, I wish I could do more. But what God?
I wish I could have limitless energy. But what God for?
I wish I have the wisdom to know the answer. But what is it God?
I have so much sins that I wish I could remove one per year. Is is enough Lord?
Perhaps, one day at a time;
One job, one task, one act of faithfullness, one act of obedience, one step of faith, one promise to fulfill, once at a time.
What else O Lord?
I desire to pray more and seek Your will. In all things, pray and trust God, and not let my heart be afraid.
One virtue a year (or as far and as long as the Lord sees fit)
One milestone a year (or as long as the Lord sees fit)
One year at a time (as long as the Lord permits)
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