Just a thought that came abt this topic. Unselfish love means that it’s not self-seeking. It does not seek one’s own pleasure, not acting based on the merit of the object….which one that gives more pleasure to I, me, and myself.
In that sense, this kind of love is giving. It starts from the other party for who they’re…not from me, myself, and I and mine.
A thought that came to me yesterday and i thought good to be put here that i can come back again later or ppl may add in their insight.
It’s quite a long story to come to this thought, but it’s something that i think never to discuss or think of or trying to understand. It’s about Love. For one reason, because to me love is amazing & divine. It’s beyond human’s capacity to understand it. What we can understand abt it may not be the full of it, and something that’s not understood fully is as good as half thing. And to know half truth is a waste to me.
But nevertheless it’s something that might be helpful to see about Love. That’s why i give title Face of Love. El told me that human’s love is sellfish, but i said if a breakout cause a heartache that’s love for you feel the pain. How can it be sellfish?
Later when i thought more about it, i think i’ve to agree that human’s love is sellfish. You choose someone with a thought that you may gain something. And the pain bcs of breakout could also the pain bcs you’re losing out something. Isn’t it sellfish & self-centered?
How then to love unselfishly? Can we love unselfishly? Could it be still called Love? How will it look like? How does it look like? Unselfish love?
a nickname from my colleague, but i take it to say different thing here
have not been updating my blog bcs of the above reason. Things are coming really fast … with so little times to even update my tabulas…besides the so many things to write and emails to reply 
hohoho…
Have been wanting to add images to my blog but finding it hard and too time consuming at moment…hopefully in future will be able…
Chinese New Year celebration this year much better… had time to see family come closer…no longer those fighting and screaming like previous years. And i spent more time eating and finding out how ppl are doing in their life. It’s really good and enjoyable time. For 2 days giving my tummy a feast (read fish)
I had 1 day to clean up my table + drawer + room Really glad…arranging all my letters, readings, and other stuff (must show the photo of my messy papers next time). Now it’s very neat, tidy, and well-organized…gear me for really a New Year. And i forgot to clean the fan :
And prazt came back Tue morning with good food…a New Year with “Gudeg Jogja“? Nothing compare to that….really good holiday…laughing & joking with roomates…playing “Dynasty Warrior 5 Extreme“. And finally a good exercise of the body & close the holiday with good talk with LK hahaha….what more can i ask? This year i’ve talked with 2 my best friends…the dream and direction for my life, the past, the present, and future….left with how things come and go for the rest months of this year. 
And Wed came back to work + mum & grandpa came….thank God so much for the protection over them. Mum was supposed to call me when she reached my place, yet she didn’t call….(all the bad thots flooded my mind…and finally called cekkong to be glad that he fetched mum). I’ll remember this incident….”cast your cares to the Lord and He will sustain you”
So yesterday attended Kenneth’s wedding…and this morning woke up with sore throat. Must be because of all the food i’ve been eating since last week CNY eve.
With mum & grandpa around this week will be very busy week…and also next week…hmmm hmmm….testing of my patience too…i lost temper few times already to my shame 
a challenge, not to lose my temper again… that will be interesting
Words that i love, “A Father’s Prayer”…to fare myself against and to know how close i am to that… In one hand, to give me practical guideline facing life
Build me a son, O Lord,
=======> it takes much effort to build something
who will be strong enough to know when he is weak,
=======> only once or twice did i faced it and bore the shame
and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid;
=======> and tell myself to get out from the shelter (most the time i ask God to kick me out)…
one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat,
========>
and humble and gentle in victory.
========> amen
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort,
but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge.
========> how i cried out not this line for i hate stress and difficulties
Here let him learn to stand up in the storm;
========> how am i stand up for i’m weak?
here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
========> O Lord grant me compassion as such
Build me a son whose heart will be clear,
========> as clear as crystal which others could see
whose goal will be high,
========> enough of those fear & worry, but cling to the “dream”
a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men,
========> how often i fail
one who will reach into the future,
========> grant me the patience
yet never forget the past.
========> amen
And, after all these things are his,
give him, I pray, enough of a sense of humor,
so that he may always be serious,
yet never take himself too seriously.
========> has not yet happened till today
Give him humility,
========> amen
so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness,
========> amen
the open mind of true strength.
========> on my knee i know it well
Then I, his father, will dare to whisper,
‘I have not lived in vain.’
========> thank you dad
Hehehe…found more cards on my desk now…
Interesting to note who sent the latest cards…one from ex-colleague, and one from my P5 child
Among all those letters, i don’t have a single from a girlfriend…hahaha… Should i pray for one?
How would a card from a girlfriend look like? How will it sound?
I am in much gratitude to God of what happened tis afternoon. It’s beautiful. Was cleaning up my drawers and piles of books & letters (got a picture of my messy room that filled up with paper everywhere) . Almost giving up of tidying up and reading those things i wanted to but not committed enough to spend time reading…but persisted on. At one corner on my drawer, pulled out a stack of cards. (Never throw away your precious cards)
Time like just rolled back to few years back. How much things has really happened in my life. Moments of joy, anguish, lost, heartache, smiling, was all captured. Bringing back the memory of those corny friends, sincere and loving friends, friends who are really friends that i dont think they’re friends, friends who are still friends…friends that were there, and those that now have gone and i lost track…
How foolish i could be…last nite asking God what do I have. And this afternoon is God’s answering me…u’ve bunch of loving friends. Read again those loving remarks and notes they gave you. You’re blessed!
One card title “stillness” and another card “Moment of life”… how appropriate those cards. Thank God for this long holiday i have. I’ve been wanting to change, go for a change. But perhaps it’s not what God wants me to go for. It’s clear i’m not perfect, but there’s beauty in that little boy…his sincerity & meekness. People may laugh at him and consider him small & weak, but in him was the power to break even a giant’s heart.
It’s not so much our ability when comes to God. Not so much what we have or what we can do. When it comes to God, He sees what’s in the heart. The world sees what’s on the outside, but God looks what’s inside the heart. As mother Theresa said, we can’t do great things, but only small things with great love. It seems that i should stop pursuing to become “great” on my own eyes or in the eyes of man, rather come back to that little boy once i know and known.
Not by might nor by power, but by the Spirit of God. God doesn’t give us spirit of cowardice, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So guide me Lord on the right path for your name’s sake. It’s not so much important how others look at me, for you know my heart
Thank you friends for your cards…
Last nite, had a bible study with only few of us. Honestly i felt discouraged with the few attendances, and yet rejoicing that there’re still few faithfull ones Hehe…actually faithfull followers are few i think…if it’s not few, then they can’t be declared faithful…coz they stay till the end..perhaps definition for faithfulness?
Anyway, it’s good heartcheck also, for my motivation and attitude. Leading a Bible Study or even teaching it, anything to do with passing on the Word of God, is not about the size or magnitude. Be it to 1 person or 100 person or even 1000, must be the same wellness & soundness. The same God being proclaimed, the same truth being declared, the same hope we have..for it’s God’s work through us. And it’s something mysterious & divine…hardly we see immediate result, and ppl seems not understand or interested. So press on
Flashback to my prayer request last night, that i could solve the bug i faced. I told them that i had done all my best and still can’t solve that bug. I’ve no more idea what could possibly wrong, so hopefully God helped me to think something new that could solve the bug…actually it happens quite regularly in my job…a bug killer.
Was quite happy this morning as i ate my breakfast and thought of something i might have forgotten that cause the bug. Yup, this morning quite happy to try out the solution and perhaps God’s answer to solve the bug. And it didn’t to my giving up of this.
Thank be to God, this afternoon He helped me. More than that, in a very interesting and personal way. I did profile comparison between working card and buggy card, and noticed something different. That different spot actually triggered my mind of past experiences and when i tried the solution, it worked!!
And it reminded me of last night study, particularly John 2 : 17
His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for your house will consume me”
I imagine that when they remembered this, they must be rejoicing and praising God. How wonderful must be that feeling. Like an opening in someone’s mind, like seeing a whole new world, like saying…”Oh now i know”. Like my experience that something triggered my memory of past experience, so the disciples of Jesus was triggered, and remembered Jesus’ word + action. Particularly this one on this verse. And verse 22 says:
When therefore he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this, and they believed the Scripture and the word that Jesus had spoken.
It’s the Scripture and the word of Jesus that is highlighted. It may be veiled or hard to understand at times. Yet when it’s finally remembered or revealed, it gives kind delight & light because … because … is the Word (need another long writing to explain in details).
It’s of very great encouragement and purpose what Paul wrote to people in Rome, and all believers of Jesus Christ:
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. (Romans 10 : 17 – ESV)
Do you know what’s of lasting legacy?
Do you know what is good to say?
Do you know what makes people happy?
Do you know what is really matter?
the word of Christ or John says the Word
First time in my life that i could close a year with the kind of “completing” feeling. Though funny that i only managed to fulfill my 2004 objectives Nevertheless, feel good to fulfill something. And strangely it’s not because i purposely working hard to achive those things …but…things happened, unexpected events…they fulfilled my 2004 objectives. So can use my 2005 objectives for my 2006 resolution No need to make new one
It’s special because i took 2 weeks of full rest (no TV, internet, handphone)…hence gave me sufficient times to sort out the messiness of my life, and provided me with direction for 2006. Felt really wonderful…to enter a new year with clearity and not in confusion
And thank God that when i came back to sg, spent a nite sharing of our blessings in 2005 and hopes for 2006… Found it really good time…thank you Lord for this people in my life. Together we’re strong, found those words true.
Some flashback of 2005…especially during the 2 weeks holiday (bcs the rest can be read througout my tabulas) :
1. Spend the New Year Eve on the road…on motorbike under the rain…together with my best friend (this year is 10 years we’re friends)…
2. 2 weeks without my contact lense…and made me immobile and tortured
3. 1 week eating porridge after my wisdom tooth extracted….
4. Time to catch up with ex-teacher, ex-pastor, ex-bible study leader, “sister” & family, friends…the olds and news too )
5. Did countdown with my roomate…hahahaha…he flied from sg to jkt to sby
6. Being introduced to girls….i think it’s biblical way…where’s in Bible tells about dating? hehehe…
7. Shopping & watching movie….something i never did before in indonesia. Looks like sg culture has already influenced me…bah!
Those are quite special in a way for me…things never happened before, and this year trying out new things….desiring to start new, do it new, and hopefully really have a new year
The sad reminders in life like disease and misfortune always there…reminding me, life without God is meaningless. So step into new year, with this attitude…Lord show me my destiny…the joy & the pain of life, and i’ll walk with Thee…whatever may come…i know He is beside me.
Very much delighted for the fact that i’m enjoying the kind of “new year” life. Cutting down one Saturday to teach children, and also my run training for this first half year. Work hasn’t come fully yet as i began my work only last thursday. Moved Bible Study on weekdays, hence free me on Sunday. Hopefully life remains in this pace & arrangement …i’m finding it more enjoyable.
Learning to take this “quiet” time as growing and strengthening time. A tree needs peaceful and calm times in order to grow healthily. For a tree always facing storm won’t be able to grow properly. Hence it’s important to keep a day free in a week.
Still owing about my New Year’s story and resolution. Hopefully to post it in next entry. A New Year this year…it’s really new, and i’m very pleased for it.
I can’t say much,
really thank God that i can only say thank you for the “dream” Christmas…
for it’s one of my dream (at least these 2 years) to bring out the children for movie. And today…we’re watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe based on CS Lewis book.
I can’t ask more. It’s simply something too good to be true. Am i in Narnia? I love the story, and belive not coincidence they made movie such that children can watch. And at end of 2 years that grow better in relationshp with the parents and the children also. So it’s not a wasting of 2 years…but a fruitful time. Shattering my image of Singaporean. After all, only God could change ppl heart. And tonite i see how the children have fun like all children should have. Similarly how the parents treated us not like teachers but as fellow believers.
And after all, somehow vi who suggested. And marie agreed and very supportive. I can only, God, thank you so much for this Christmas. It’s like Narnian Christmas
