A calm weekend

i found myself falling down again

doing the same mistakes i’ve told myself

not to repeat again

but it’s always the grace of God that picked me up

feeling grateful for the love of God

that’s revealed most clearly in His Son

and i know it for sure as it’s told in the Bible

how i love that words of comfort

that the Word became flesh

to purify us from all our sins

 

Battling against my strong desire to game

For it’s much enjoyable to spend in gaming

than to spend my times and energy for others…

the need of my group….the need of those children entrusted to me

at the end i know

it’s love at the heart

for i can’t bear to see their faces

when my hands have nothing to give

because my heart was cold of love

kindle my heart o Lord

that i may give with my heart

pray with my knee

and serve with myself

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Healing of the a soul – incomplete

Work has started again and i’ve not the luxury of time to write down everything here. But wat is written so that i can retrieve it again and jot down in my journal.

This morning reading from Heb 12. Somehow woke up rather early, after a very tough day, wished to sleep for 7 hours, instead this morning woke up refreshed.

Many things came to my mind while reading the passage. But these few words caught my eyes. “Share his holiness”, “root of bitterness”, and “endurance”……It’s not share in his holiness, but share HIS holiness. I cannot believe what i read. HIS holiness to be shared, with ME?

Root of bitterness as opposite to striving for peace. Another display of a christian man and woman.

And last, endurance…because Jesus the founder and perfector of my faith.

All linked together in wonderful ways….and helped me in my understanding of suffering, trials, and glory of God.

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A nice weekend

really thank God for today.

for the past 2 weeks have been stressful days for me. There’re so many things happened in the office. And since Wednesday everything seem go wrong. PC was infected by worm, machine was spoilt suddenly and replacement will take few days, old project returned to me with bug, and the bug fixed even contain bug…..

the worst day was on Fri. Was totally awful….when in front of “lousy”boss my own team leader didn’t defend me as agreed during my earlier meeting. Received all the blame and bad impression. Then another report from from R&D that there’re still bug to be solved….so my delivery was wrong, again….My own  boss was angered, and i was in between to write angry email. At the end again i was the one to be the nasty guy…..

This morning came back to office, was in dark…..and when tried to install the software it didn’t work. Almost wanna to cry….i couldn;t work, and also can’t bring back bcs the necessary softwares couldn’t be installed.

To cut short the story…..finally managed to install everything, and even joking with my lady boss. Spent 2 hours playing games….and had a nice swim with my housemates. After that managed to solve the bug on Fri nite. And also received good formula from my PhD housemate 😀 for this crazy project.

After all….today’s goodness erase the bad experiences on Fri. And hope tomorrow effective working day, also a rest day. Thank you Lord.

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No specific title

no specific title for this entry 

the next days will be tougher, more crazy, and i’m not very keen to think about it…..

perhaps it’s the highlight of my days in gemplus 

will remember these days …

thank u for arip & tjeli… who hears me and my laments…

i’ll remember ur dids also 

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A dream or A vision?

recently i started to use friendster again, and found interesting things that now i could find more my school friends there  What makes me glad even more is to see how God worked in their life. People that in the past were not on-fire about God but now i could read in their blogs that they acknowledge God as Lord of their lives.

A friend is becoming pastor soon. And many others were active serving Him.  I’m very thrilled and excited. And not sure if it’s a vision, or just a dream (like many other dreams i have). One day if we all could be together again, we could do great work for God together.

Surely….i long for that day. People who’re hungry to see God’s glory, His righteousness and justice, His kingdom and will be done, working together. And what’s more….they’re once friends and woven into God’s perfect plan for His own glory. Surely Lord, your ways are above my ways. Till that day Lord, prepare me, mold me, and every one of us.

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Endurance

Romans 5 (early part) talks about suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope doesn’t dissappoint us (NIV translation).

My ESV bible translates perseverance as endurance. Not very sure what’s the difference. Personally the word endure gives me impression of somebody carrying a heavy load. While persevere like somebody continueing to reach a destination.

It’s true that suffering brings out the limit test. A test of endurance. It may sound small and limpsy. But the more i think about it, perhaps it’s one of unnoticed acts with great value in God’s eyes. Surely in this world, nobody is praised or honored because he/she endures something. Rather the praise and glory go to those who fights for their rights and won the battle.

I’m just thinking of the Lord Jesus, who endured the cross (ridicule, mockery, blasphemy, and shame). He didn’t look great there. Nobody feel great about the event. He didn’t become a hero for that. Or source of inspiration for others. Nobody picked that as lesson of greatness or success.

But God the Father honors that. And the Bible speaks many times about Jesus enduring the cross. And as Christian to endure. It’s a call like a master so the servant, or like the teacher so the disciple.

What then do i fight against? Against myself and my world. That values so little of endurance, but greatly on self-defend and self-wisdom. It’s almost of no value, somebody who’s remaining there without fighting his/her right. It’s against the nature of self that strive to oppose and rebel against anybody. And almost contrary to the teaching of the Bible of gentleness and love.

There’s time for everything. When it’s the time to endure, Lord, what will you find out of me? I’ve seen your faithfulness. In difficult times, you’re there for me. Would i be there? May you find me faithful Lord. Help me i pray.

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The small things

sometimes

it’s the small little things that make the difference

the small little things that keep the wearies going

the small little things that keep us human

 

time for my mum, a time for praying for my group and the children, time to laugh with my housemates, time for my own

 

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Words that make a difference

Last nite i went “crazy”. Bringing back my work (which i hardly do), cutting off my sleep in order to work again in the morning, and working all day in office.

Perhaps once of memorable time i would remember. Normally won’t put this much effort at work. Or rather to work as minimal as possible .

When things seem bad and i know all things related to this project are not good. Feeling like giving it up few times when i didn’t know what else could be done to complete it.

It’s still my mum’s words that change everything. On Monday nite, told her roughly about this difficult project. And last nite sms her again, informed her that i couldn’t sms her as much as i want to.

Her reply as follows: “Ok, project susah tdk apa2, kamu tekuni pasti berhasil GBU“. Or in English: “It doesn’t matter if the project is difficult. You do it diligently, sure successful. God Bless You.”

That’s my mum )

Maybe she doesn’t know what she’s saying really mean. But the words stirred my desire, for the sake of dilligentness….i wanna give it a try. Help me dear Lord.

 

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A problem with An Invisible God

Just came back from lunch, and the first thing in my mind was “the project“. And my heart reminded me about trusting God. I believe my heart was right. When the project seems very big too me such that i forgot other things, i have not trusted in God.

It’s very easy to tell the story of David & Goliath to children, and tell them to trust in God. It’s easy as well to tell them how David remember God at all times, when we take “remember God” as praying or reading the Bible.

However it’s just a half truth. For when something else has become more important than God, we’re no longer trusting Him. And yes there’re many reasons for that. One that i could think at the moment is because the invisibility of God. The natural man sees what is visible. When God is not visible, His character and power will also be invisible to our eyes. Then our hearts slowly lessen its trust.

So, this battle also belongs to the Lord. And let the whole world know, there is God in me. 

ps. Sorry if my mind seems to be jumbled up, u need to read 1 Sam 17 as some background context

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Back to Work Again

Tomorrow going back to work again.

And gladly face it after the enjoyable break i had this week. Not leading Bible Study, off from work on Thu & Fri, having fun with housemates (laughing to our hearts contents), enjoying time of my own, cleaning the books, tables, toilet, and house….made everything neat and tidy.

What’s better time to face Monday when you have everything put in order? After hearing a powerful sermon & savoring a good book on Sunday 

Really thank God who spared me and prepared me for the coming difficult times. I know how much ready i am this week than last week. I know it seems going to be difficult. However, i’m much prepared. I’ve enjoyed much this week.

Thank You Lord, for the fun i had this week.

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