Today, i made a new discovery about God.
And it’s just a very very small progress (if can be called a progress)….
But i simply thankful, that i know Him little bit better
It’s certainly left a deep impression on me, the phrase repeated in Exodus….”that you may know that I am the LORD your God”. How much I don’t know .. and how little I know … that He is my God 
It’s a unique one afternoon. After praying, I was compelled to follow this man in blue. I didn’t respond immediately, and continue praying, thought this guy maybe some pastors who must have gone to restricted area that i can’t follow. Then I noticed that now the man is walking towards me (his face was normal, nothing special or particular about this man). Yet i didn’t move still, I was continuing to memorize what i just read then. So i just observed the man going to the back of the room, looking at large stack of old books….
Hence about time to go off, and I’m still puzzling whether I should just leave or give a second look to see what that earlier feeling nudge me about following this man. My curiosity won over me, so i went to the back, the man was no longer there…hmm, i thought maybe what the voice wanted me to look at the pile of old books? Like some secrets there? hehe….then again i remembered clearly, it’s following the man, not the place he went or things he touched or things interests him.
So, i followed him (after distracted by an engraved dedicated to a man who had served for over 30 years, died at age 74, actually more for camoflauge that i didn’t want to be seen too obvious following him)…braving myself to get out the place from the gate that is locked normally in these hours. What a rare chance i thought that I could go through that gate on this hour…maybe the man will scold me and ask me to go out from another entry? Yet he was too busy opening another small door, which will lead to the “high” place which i always wanted to go and see.
Then this thought came to me, now i know who is this man. Apparently he’s the one holding keys to the rooms. And following him will give me access to those rooms i can’t go in by myself. It’s the same thing with following God. He’s holding all keys and only He has access to all doors and rooms. If i follow him, basically, i will have access to otherwise nobody can enter….So easy to be caught up with activities and things of interest, but if i want to have access, there’s only one way…to follow him closely. Wherever he goes, the doors will be opened.
I thank God for being patient with me. As I was preparing to teach about prayer, many things happened, and it sit back and ponder. He is not God in history, or of history, or out of history….but He is a present God. He who presented Himself to Abraham, Moses, Peter, also the same God who now presents Himself to me. As it’s written, “I am who I am”. He was, is, and is to come, God.
In the midst of all the constraints i’m facing, i can give thanks because only in this circumstances I could see … things otherwise I could never see. The story of Jesus feeding the 5000 with 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread….is it too hard for Him to provide for my 500 guests? He even provided meat and bread for one nation of 3 million Jews! I could share the feeling of Philip maybe, how to feed these people….we don’t have money. Yet Jesus knows what he’s to do. It is 8 month salaries to feed these crowd….yet He had already the answer. Again on the bread and butter issue, Jesus was the man who resists the temptation…he’d rather starve in hunger than fulfilled his own desire transforming stone to bread. At the end, man’s life is not in abundance of his possession, nor in physical food he eats, but life in the feeding of God’s Word….which transcend understanding.
I could say at the end, from the 500 guests to the 5000 men, He knows what He is doing. God is great.
It’s at most unexpected place and time, but he did it again.
This morning as the weather not too hot, and my body also in need for some exercise, so i decided to go for a jog. And this week there’re simply a lot of things with exams, paper, plannings, and even work itself have few concerns in my mind and heart.
Hence the question on last nite study and few days of thinking….really brought me down to the point that life is just dragging a heavy burden.
Nearing the end of my jog (on the road to FP…hehe), suddenly i thought that what a waste that i go out and return the same. I would miss the oppurtunity to enjoy the nature and the jog itself that i almost never fail to enjoy. SO i simply sang out my own tunes and song (i thought not bad…hehe), without i realized….it goes on, and i simply feel like being in presence of God. All my worry and troubles seem to cease, and on top of that, i gained insight into something really important that i don’t think i could ever reach that insight myself. It must be God’s given.
And all the way back, i simply worshipping Him and enjoying Him. That i know what it means to seek Him for His sake alone, and not for other things which He can and will do. There’s a difference to seek Him to get something and to seek Him just for pleasure. When we seek Him for Him alone, as He promised, we will find Him…and He might even bestow gifts which we need. To me, it happened at unexpected time and place when I in fact not seeking him but rather some emotional release….of course been meditating on Paul’s letter to Timothy on what he said that God himself will make it clear to Tim.
And i’m just curious, feeling in my heart that someone must have prayed for me. Else this kind of thing does not happen everyday (though it will be good to have it at least once a week..hehe). How much more valuable one day in presence of the Lord than thousand days in other place.
I think it’s not coincidence, last nite we’re talking about pride.
It’s quite interesting that A pointed out very early during our discussion, that it’s the problem with pride.
Quarrel, regardless the cause, because someone is too proud.
As Chris often mentions, when church split, it can always be traced back, somebody…was being too proud.
And his words remain in my ears….availability, suitability, and last…that no man can attain by mere human effort….humility. We can avail ourselves….just need to pay some prices….rejecting other offers, slotting the time, then we become available. We can suit others….just work harder, talk sweeter, and do this and that, we can suit ourselves to the taste of others. Yet humility….is there way to be humble? What’s the path to humility?
Without realizing, yesterday i was talking with one very humble person i ever known. He has served many years. He was elected as church leader at very young age. Serving the Lord from the age of 16. And even until today, unassuming, doing the work that many chose not to touch because it’s at background. And one of faithful man i know. He didnt choose to do things which will gain him popularity, but when he does things….he faithfully stick to those things…..even when others have left him.
Even when he’s talking with me, he didn’t put himself highly, as someone senior talking to a junior. But he takes me at same level as he is. I am glad to know him as a friend
I must confess that it’s not an easy lesson.
For it bruised my pride, and i’ve to face up with my own weaknesses.
However, God is so good.
He’s already prepared in advance. For the words before that were:
“An enemy multiply kisses, but a friend honest rebuke”. Again
“Correction and instruction, to gain wisdom”
So the option left for me, to swallow the bitter pill … or deny it and live as it never happened.
Thanks the Lord too, who says that “gain wisdom, with all your have, gain understanding….more precious than silver and choice of gold”.
Hehe…the loneliest new year i ever felt. It’s really bad the feeling. I thought for once i understood the meaning of companionship. I pray 2009 would be clearer and brighter. And i believe tonite as i would count my blessings this year, certainly i would see God’s graces all around still.
Few more hours Praise God for the amazing year He’s given me more than i asked. And through all the pains and questions, He’s still faithful . Feeling impatient to enter 2009
It’s not an easy thing for me (naturally) to give thanks on any of the hard days.
It’s been a long day from 5.30 am this morning, with meal only abt 1 pm.
Yet, was reminded yesterday , to give thanks … to be grateful
And there’re many things I could be grateful for:
1. Last nite had a wonderful praying and singing time with my dear lil’ lady . It’s wonderful. Haven’t done so for quite some times. And last nite my heart just burst out with songs n thanksgivings to the Lord. For indeed, He’s marvelous and wonderful. In this chaotic and confusing world, He’s a sure anchor and solid rock.
2. The move back to our home for mum, including the new care-giver (replacing the previous very expensive care-giver). With the move back, there’re more new things we can look forward to. And hope will bring good to mum’s recovery as well.
3. This morning as I brought her to physiotherapy in RKZ hospital, really thank God for ai CH that drove us there and continued to be there for moral support with her funny remarks. And later i knew she had genuine concern and care for mum. Thank God for such friend. And tomorrow hopefully we all can join the Christmas service. Furthermore, as answer to my prayer, the person who did the phsio was good as well. We spent 2 hours there instead the usual 1 hour therapy. The Lord really look after all these well for sure.
4. This afternoon meeting was proven to bring some consolation to our family also. As unexpectedly i received last-minute call (mysteriously prompted to make the first phone call yesterday), which later brought in some amount of money. Unexpected…and kind consolation as Christmas surprise.
There are still plenty things concern me. And long list of prayer needs to be raised up to the Lord. Not little questions I have…and wondering whether I have enough strength to persevere in this walk. Only keep me Lord Jesus. Align me always with You.
Just thought to write this after few incidents and thoughts for these last few days. It’s quite easy for anyone to say it, however we all know that it’s not easy for those who’s going through it. Sometimes i need to be more bold and assertive in voicing out that indeed i had experienced those times, and i said what i’ve tasted…not merely an empty knowledge.
Having been experiencing some ‘No’s in life…sometimes i can look back and give thanks to God. However another times, i cannot think of any good reason for the ‘NO’s. Yet i still trust that in right time, it will be clear to me, indeed it’s alright.
As one thing keep lingering in my mind….did mum really believe she will get well again? Or is she only putting a bold front? And what if her condition will remain like this? Again as i ponder upon the possibility if God should answer with ‘NO’. Once i trusted it to the Lord, that he opened another possibility. For there’s so much things to be learned in the process. There indeed so much valuable lesson we could pick up, if we’re not so consumed with our own desire to get things done. And i know there’re areas of life, where God is working to form her and also me and the entire family.
Instead of complying to simply answering us with a ‘YES’…often we marvel at his later works done in us. And this i know it well…how he tested and purified my own heart. For inside it’s a deceptive heart with all its hideous ways and motives. Only Him can reveal to us our true condition and inner self. And in that process, often involves many ‘NO’s.
The answer then, it’s not getting what we ask. But more on being fixed. That our hearts is right is far more important and of eternal value. So i long still, for the revealing of ourselves before Him. So we could really be transformed. Areas of life needed to be surrendered. And to let God be God.
I still believe He can be trusted. He will provide. His timing and ways are perfect. And He loves me.
