I am having difficulties with my new contact lenses prescription. In the past, my former optometrist knows exactly and it always fit well. Because of the move, I had to find new optometrist. I changed one last year and the recent one I chose because he is willing to try all things to get me the perfect fit. Only after some times we tried and couldn’t seem to find that perfect fit.
He left me with two choices: one which I could see clearly, but makes me feel giddy. Or one which blur my vision and I feel less giddy. It is a very difficult choice. I have to admit that it frustrates me not being able to see clearly when I know I could if I chose the other one. At the same time, it troubles me a lot by the sensation I felt that the power is too strong and threw me out of balance.
So I asked God which one should I choose?
I got almost an instant answer, “stay with the blurred vision”.
From age of 7, I was diagnosed with a lazy eye. So this eye is never used. Whenever I see an optometrist, they always prescribe the lowest degree (which is minus 10 above) I can tolerate to balance the other eye. Only recently this optometrist showed me that if he increased the power, this eye could actually “see” more. I was quite happy to find a new “power” with my lazy eye.
But the blurring or limiting of my eye would serve me well to remind me that I’m what I am by the Grace of God. All I have done, could do, and accomplishments, are all merely by the grace of God. That through a weak self like me, His power made perfect.
This morning I read from Song of Solomon 1, and it says,
"Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." ~ Song of Solomon 1:4 (ESV)
As my body parts slowly regressing as I grow older, and bodily injuries reduces activities that I could take part / do, I begin to see God’s grace in a new light. The “restraining” is like a pull to Himself. And the comfort it brings to know that it’s not so much my striving to achieve but the striving to abide that brings God’s results and God’s glory.
The more I pray over things, the more I see God works in ways beyond what I could do with my perfect body. And I am happy to see it’s not my works but His in me through my weaknesses and limitations. And to close the loop, by the grace of God, I could be content with what I am not also. To Him be all the glory.