Just thought to write this after few incidents and thoughts for these last few days. It’s quite easy for anyone to say it, however we all know that it’s not easy for those who’s going through it. Sometimes i need to be more bold and assertive in voicing out that indeed i had experienced those times, and i said what i’ve tasted…not merely an empty knowledge.
Having been experiencing some ‘No’s in life…sometimes i can look back and give thanks to God. However another times, i cannot think of any good reason for the ‘NO’s. Yet i still trust that in right time, it will be clear to me, indeed it’s alright. 
As one thing keep lingering in my mind….did mum really believe she will get well again? Or is she only putting a bold front? And what if her condition will remain like this? Again as i ponder upon the possibility if God should answer with ‘NO’. Once i trusted it to the Lord, that he opened another possibility. For there’s so much things to be learned in the process. There indeed so much valuable lesson we could pick up, if we’re not so consumed with our own desire to get things done. And i know there’re areas of life, where God is working to form her and also me and the entire family.
Instead of complying to simply answering us with a ‘YES’…often we marvel at his later works done in us. And this i know it well…how he tested and purified my own heart. For inside it’s a deceptive heart with all its hideous ways and motives. Only Him can reveal to us our true condition and inner self. And in that process, often involves many ‘NO’s.
The answer then, it’s not getting what we ask. But more on being fixed. That our hearts is right is far more important and of eternal value. So i long still, for the revealing of ourselves before Him. So we could really be transformed. Areas of life needed to be surrendered. And to let God be God.
I still believe He can be trusted. He will provide. His timing and ways are perfect. And He loves me.