Life is in the hands of God

This week is heavily marked with Mr Lee Kuan Yew death. All over the news, watsapp, and conversation are all around him. Today was his state funeral, and the emotion was seemingly high. This morning, as i attended the Church service, our senior pastor wrote an eulogy about him, we spent a minute in silent, and it was closed in prayer.

Generally among Christians, the mood has been a gratitude to God for such fine leader such as Lee Kuan Yew.

Even this morning, as I took a cab, the driver told me all that he has done and how he won his respect. I had been missing a lot of things. And i did wonder in my own heart, how come i didn’t feel as much as the other people.

I almost kind of influenced. And i remember what a colleague told me, that next week is remembering Jesus’ death.

So it was, at 10pm, i was trying to put my eldest girl to sleep, and my wife is trying to put the youngest girl to sleep. The youngest girl kept crying, and the eldest girl couldn’t sleep. She keep singing, jumping around, frustrated but can’t do much. I dare not to make much noise as whenever i try to interfere, she got even more frustrated.

I did cancel a prayer meeting yesterday, couldn’t attend a bible study the night before for 3 consecutive weeks, and even had resign in my heart to do more gospel work. On 3 nights before, when we prayed for a specific ministry, when my wife suggested that we could think of expanding the outreach, my reply was very pragmatic. I told her it is impossible. I am no longer like last time. Now i’ve having two little children, our house is in mess, we hardly have times for anything, and where do we find time and energy for expanding a ministry? That’s to suggest my state of reality check.

Probably i was in the state of a self pity. Life does not seem to go anywhere. Doing a mundane work from 9-6pm, no career advancement, no salary increase, and the cost of living keep increasing with ingratitude people who demands more. Well it could be i’m too nice guy, with even people i dont’ know asking for help. Deep in my heart, i would cry out, why should i help, when in my state of needing help, these people won’t even be there?

Now with the two young children who doesn’t even understand the reality of life and simply demanding attention every seconds. My wife has tried her best to manage the house and everything. But seems that our best not enough. Probably i’m at the wit end.

And i remember about Jesus’ death.

He died a criminal death, hung on a cross, naked and humiliated. His disciples all left and abandoned him. The people who adore him left him and couldn’t do a single thing. All his popularity and skyrocket fame, now lie in the tomb. What a tragic end to look at. Death is the end of everything. All the promise of goods come to nothing on that fateful day.

The supernatural healings, the great ministry, the great leader, all the greatness, now reduce to nothing, on that dark and rainy day. The mood was totally different from LKY death and funeral. There were nobody remember him for what he does, nor thank him, let alone continue to follow him, and adore him. All was gone. And what’s life then?

But, however in God’s grand design and purpose, that’s the highest point of His wisdom. For at Jesus’ death, is God’s purpose and mission accomplished. And through that, is the greatest victory and glorious gospel.

Hence, it reminds, humbles, and challenges me. It assures me that life is in the hands of God. We don’t have to look around to people’s opinion to justify our lives. Just like Jesus’, people could mistakenly our lives as a tragedy. What was good end up so bad. But under God’s mighty hands, it is to accomplish His purpose.

What good is it for me, unable to progress at work, unable to do much ministry work, not even care well for my house and giving good break for my wife, spending time with two young children who can’t understand much about life, and struggling for wisdom how to raise them up? I don’t know. I wanted to do more, but the odds are there.

I am comforted as i remember how 7 years ago, we didn’t know much. We prayed and the Lord opened doors for ministry and our reunion. Eventually, we got married and having children. I was reminded, how strong a woman she is. She bore 2 children, went through two of 9 months difficult pregnancies, and having the strength to push two children out of her womb. I am reminded again, she’s a strong woman. I am reminded, that there’s nothing impossible with God.

When God speaks, for us to obey, and not to rationalise.

So help me Lord, simply let you be God, and i’m your Clay.

ps. And i’m reminded again, as Jesus’ live out his earthly life, all for God’s glory. So keep focus on that, and God will fill up the rest. Amen.

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